Myths and Fears about Bonding
Myth: “It will always feel like babysitting or like someone else’s child.”
Truth: Most hopeful adoptive parents wonder about attachment in adoption. The truth is all parents worry about this whether it is a biological or adopted child. Also, attachment issues can happen in both scenarios. Chances are once the child is born your attachment with them will begin to grow. For some, the bond is instant. For others it takes time. This is also true of both biological and adoptive situations as well. Educating yourself on ways to bond with your child and promote attachment will help you feel less anxious about this fear. Also, it will give you the tools you need to feel comfortable once the bonding process begins.
In addition to this, it is important to acknowledge that this child does have biological parents. Depending on the agreed upon level of openness in your adoption situation, you may have interaction with the biological parents or family. While this relationship is very different from co-parenting, it is an essential connection that will need to be navigated and discussed with the child as appropriate for each case and age.
Know that fears around bonding are normal. Reaching out for help, support and education on this topic is a great way to prepare for parenthood. If you are a current adoptive parent and struggling with bonding, please know that you are not alone. Whether you are a hopeful adoptive parent or a current adoptive parent with concerns regarding bonding and attachment, we can help.
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